Introduction

So I'll start with where I am at, right now. I'm currently in my second year of university in London & living at home. Last year, I lived on campus and lived the life of a typical fresher. Honestly it was the time of my life and a true learning experience, and one I would never take back.
The first thing I want to tell you? I think I fell for one of my flatmates.
Which I know is a huge no no- ask anybody and that whole situation is one that you'd want to avoid. I still remember the first time I met him alongside my flatmates. There was something about him, my eyed were glued and for some reason I couldn't shake him off.

Over time we hung out more and more. And it gets to that point.. you know? When you start hanging out all the time, when you have private conversations even though you're hanging out with a larger group of friends. At points like this, you start to question it. Maybe it's not just me that feels this way? Does he feel  it too? This was during a time in my life I had no sphere of reference whatsoever. I had just spent 7 years in a single sex high school and I had zero clues as to how to deal with guys that weren't family. I was one of those girls. The girl that believed that her first experience with a guy would be a perfect one. So the joke is, at some point after Christmas, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The boy wouldn't even look at me properly when I spoke to him.

Like a chicken, I never confronted him about it. Our relationship was up and down- sometimes he'd act like we were okay and other times he wouldn't. It would never be like how it used to though. My flatmates used to speak bad of him, but I never saw that side to him. Until I was on his bad side of course. This being my first experience with a guy, it was shocking. The way he was able to make me feel. Any doubts I had about myself, he pretty much confirmed them for me. The lowest anyone had ever made me feel if I'm honest. That was then, and shockingly after 10 months or so, I still feel the same way towards him. It was easier to hate him then but now all I can remember are the good points in our relationship.

So my question is, how do you know whether or not you're in love with someone? In my head, it's easy to see past all the bad he's done to me, and I can't help but forgive him. I've seen the caring and sweet, honest side to him and I really don't believe that he's a bad person. He has an ego and so puts on a fronts and acts out. I can see what it does to his relationships with people. He isn't friends with any of the girls we used to live with because he can get rude. They've told me. I want to help him, I think that he acts this way because he simply doesn't know any other way. I don't think he realizes the impact of his actions. I don't want to give up on him, even though everyone is telling me to.
Either I more-than like him, or it's the idea of him.